The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
