my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
