My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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