So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just googled if crying burns calories
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
