The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
