Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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