butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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