So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
