You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
