She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
