She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
