I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
how does that bad decision feel?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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