i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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