So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
