I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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