Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
