my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
