He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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