I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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