Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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