You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We talked him into tasing himself.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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