Swine flu. Run for my life!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
