I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
