I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
