So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
