watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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