Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
