On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
