That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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