its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
vagina is talking i cant
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
