drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
