thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
