pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
