Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
