shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
