the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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