Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
