the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
