hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
