Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
