So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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