I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
