There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
