I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
