If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
