I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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