what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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