He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
