but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
