This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
