This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
