I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
