yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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