you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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