I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
